


I Don't Want You (but don't give up on me)

by Riley_Scott



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Broken Dean Winchester, Canon Compliant, Love Confessions, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 19:25:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11019966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riley_Scott/pseuds/Riley_Scott
Summary: Castiel and Dean have a talk sometime in the future.





	I Don't Want You (but don't give up on me)

**Author's Note:**

> My first Supernatural fic. I've been creeping in the fandom for a long ass time, but I'm never quiet happy with anything I write, so this is my first contribution. I got inspired and wrote this in less than an hour once I saw the four word prompt "I don't want you". I'm still getting a feel for Dean and Cas as characters and finding a voice for them, so please let me know your thoughts on this piece. I have other things that I'm working on for them, but I'm struggling. 
> 
> Also, I haven't watched the finale yet, but I know (and have seen the clips) from Cas dying, so if this doesn't fit in with the other parts of the finale please disregard, I tried to leave this purposefully vague for that reason.

“I don’t want you.”

Cas grit his teeth and maintained a carefully neutral face. 

“Yes, Dean. I am well awa-’” He started, but the other man slammed his hand onto the table, interrupting him.

“I don’t want you, Cas.” He said again, his voice deeper than before, even more broken. “You have brought me so much pain. So much hurt. You have broken me more times than I can count. I have spent more time looking for you than I have being around you.” 

Cas stared resolutely at the space beside Dean’s ear, not wanting to see the expression on his face. 

Castiel knew all of this. He knew what he had put the Winchesters through over the last eight plus years, and he knew that Dean had suffered the brunt of it. He knew that, but hearing Dean lay it all on the table hurt him. So, he sat there, silently and took it. He deserved it. 

“You came into my life and you turned my whole world upside down, Cas. Everything I had ever believed, everything I had ever known. We worked beside each other, and we started a war. A war that I don’t think we will ever been done fighting. I’ve watched you die. More than once. I’ve watched you walk away and I’ve watched you lie right to my face, man.” 

Cas heaved a breath when Dean finally looked away from him, and tried to control his expression. 

“So, now after you’ve been gone for who knows how fucking long, again. When you’ve let me think this whole time that you’ve been dead. After I sat by your body and grieved my fucking heart out. You sit here now, and you say that you’re back. That you’re here to stay this time. And what? You sit here and say that you want me? That you’ve wanted me this whole goddamn time? And what? You’ve just been too chicken shit to say it? You tell me that when you said that you loved me last year that you mean that you were in love with me? That you just took the easy way out and let me think that it was like brother? Like I always believed? That’s what you came back for this time? Not because you need my help? Not because heaven or hell are after you, but because you what? You want to be with me?” Despite his words, Dean never once raised his voice. If anything, he got quieter as he went on. And that made Castiel even more troubled. An angry Dean he was used to. He could never handle a heartbroken one. 

“Yes, Dean. I want to be with you. I want to stay here, with you and with Sam. I want to make this work.” Cas said, finally coming to meet Dean’s eyes. 

The hunter swallowed visibly, his hands gripping his knees and he clinched his jaw. 

“I don’t want you.” He said, for what Cas thought would be the final time. But he cleared his throat and looked past Cas. “Everything in my life that I want, I lose. I’ve lost my Mom, twice. I’ve lost Sammy more times that I’ve even lost you. Everything gets taken from me, Cas. Dad, Bobby, Lisa, Charlie. Hell Cas, I’ve lost two children. Two kids. I’ve lost everything and everyone that I have ever wanted. If I let myself have this. If I let myself want you. Really want you, it’s a done deal that I’ll lose you. For good this time.” Dean confessed, his eyes wet and Castiel felt his heartrate accelerate. 

“Dean…” He started, but was unsure what to say. Dean couldn’t be saying what he thought he was saying. 

“I can’t want you. I can’t need you.” Dean started, his eyes final meeting Castiel’s, and he looked scared. “I can’t love you. It’s a death sentence.” 

“So, what do we do, Dean?” Cas asked, feeling a weird sense of hopefulness that he couldn’t explain. 

“We do what we always do, Cas. We hunt things. We save people. We live here, as a family, and we don’t make anything more than it has to be. If you want to stay, you stay. If you want to leave, you leave.” He said, getting up and walking over to the fridge, his back tense as he waited for Castiel to respond.

“And if I stay? If I don’t leave, Dean?” He asked, and watched Deans shoulders ease slightly. 

“Well, Cas, then I guess we’ll see what happens, won’t we?” He told him, tossing him a beer and coming back over to the table and taking his seat again. 

“Yes, Dean, we will.” He said, clinking his bottle against Dean’s his eyes watching the other man.

Dean smiled slightly, taking a sip of his beer, and then he leaned back in his chair. “So, tell me about where you’ve been this time, man.”


End file.
